Letting go isn’t just emotionally hard, it’s physically and mentally demanding, too. In this love-and-learn episode, we share a personal story from our own storage space and explore why letting go often feels heavier the longer we postpone it. This episode offers compassionate reframes for when you’re stuck in decision-making loops, helping you look honestly at what items cost you now and not just what they once cost – without shame or pressure.
In This Episode, We Talk About
- Why letting go takes physical and mental energy, and why that matters
- Why pretending something “isn’t really gone” keeps us stuck
- Reframing sunk-cost thinking with compassion, not guilt
- How to recognize when an item is draining more than it’s giving back
Mentioned in This Episode
- A personal story about a Coach jacket and the true cost of holding on
- Storage rooms as places where postponed decisions tend to live
- The concept of mental “interest” accumulating on undecided items
- Honoring memories without keeping the physical object
Review full show notes and resources at https://theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast
Review Transcript:
Letting go is hard, and I don't mean emotionally hard, although yes, that too. I mean, physically hard. You have to pull things out, carry them, load them into your car, drive them somewhere, figure out where they go. Hope the donation place is open if you're throwing stuff away, and that's the form of letting go.
You have to fill the trash bag, carry that big trash bag into your trash bin, and if you are trying to sell it. You need to decide how much it's worth. Is it worth it? Find the right buyer, post it. Do all the things that have to do with being able to resell it. It's a whole process, no matter what type of letting go you're doing.
So when people tell me, I know I should just let it go, I always think, of course you're hesitating. This isn't just a thought exercise. It takes real energy. That's why I say this with a lot of compassion. If you can let something go sooner rather than later, it usually saves your regret later on because the longer something sits, the more thinking you attach to it and thinking is exhausting.
So today's episode is devoted to the love that we have for Steph, but learning to love to let go, that you can appreciate the stuff that you have and. Also learn to love to let the items go that are no longer serving you. So we're going to do some working through that, some reframing, some examples. I've got real life examples for you of recent clients and myself and how I've learned to let go and love the process of doing so as opposed to hesitating.
It doesn't mean that I'm trying to convince you to throw your stuff away. Remember, we are not of that mindset here at the Organized Flamingo, but if you learned the appreciation and love of when you finally are ready to let go, that will help you form a positive reframe to the action, which at some point you do need to do with your stuff.
It doesn't have to be right now. And if you're in a fairly healthy environment that you don't, you're not tripping over things, it's not creating chaos in your internal health, your mental health, then maybe you have some room, especially if you have a very big space, big storage area that you don't mind paying for or having the resources for, but at some point.
That will damage or affect someone, and maybe it's your loved ones after you are no longer able to let that stuff go, and they have to go in and do the letting go. Okay. So, uh, we're trying to learn the process of letting go and appreciate it and love it so that at some point when you do have to do it, it's not such a conflict for you.
Okay? And it's just a little bit easier, which, which is what we try to do here at the Organized Flamingo and organizing Cherish through the podcast. To love the stuff that you have, appreciate your space, but also at the same time, understand that there has to be a process of decluttering in order to rejuvenate your space, your stuff, and your mental health.
Okay. Alright, so let's get to the episode today.
Welcome to the Organized and Cherish podcast with the organized Flamingo. I am your host Stephanie, your compassionate and deficient professional organizer. Whether you are part of the sandwich generation helping a loved one declutter, or just trying to simplify life, this is the place for you. Together we will tackle those overwhelming piles of stuff, uncover purpose in what we keep, and let go with dignity and care, because it's not just about throwing everything away, it's about respecting memories and simplifying life.
Sound like a plan? Let's jump in and get organized. So one of the biggest lessons that I have learned over the years for myself and for clients is when people try to fool themselves, for lack of a better word, into thinking that letting go isn't actually letting go, but it is when you let go out of your sight, out of your space, it's gone and it's gone forever.
It's true. And the faster you can accept that in a healthy way, the better. Because then if you attach regret to the decision you made, you start giving yourself this, this endless doubt when you're trying to practice and create momentum that you need to let go of things going forward. So I don't want you to have this mentality that when you let something go.
You will recreate it somehow because then you will try to, you know, you will try to replace it by overbuying again or over consumption again, and we don't want that. What we're trying to do is acknowledge that yes, it is gone. That is correct. It did end up in the trash. It did end up in the thrift store.
Consignment store. You sold it. It's gone. And accepting that in a really healthy way now. What does that mean in healthy way? Uh, I say this in almost every episode, that we are not mental health practitioners here. Or try to be. If you are working with someone, definitely take their direction over how to, how to let go or how to practice letting go in a healthy way according to what you've talked to your mental health practitioner.
That means whatever trauma you may have. Whatever, um, whatever else is going on in your life, in your mind that, you know, a DHD, neurodivergency, all of those play a really important role in how you let go. So if you are transitioning and you're accepting and learning how to deal with that, I want that to be the priority.
I also know parallel to that ways that I have seen people that are have, that are dealing with this, deal with it in a healthy way. And so some of my tips come from people that I have gone through deep therapy and I have seen them make a big impact in their decluttering journey with some of these exercises.
Okay? So that's what I mean by men, um, doing it in a, in a healthy way mentally, that you have already gone through some of those exercises. But if you haven't and you're exploring, then these might work. But the red flag here though is if you're going around in circles where you just keep moving stuff around, where you've listened to my podcast or any other organizer's podcast for years and years and nothing is working, I would encourage you to, to look into it a little deeper in the mental health space.
See if there's maybe a block, a trauma that is not allowing you to move on. Those are the red flags. So if this is. You know, I love that you're here and listen for inspiration, but if you are having a hard time with momentum, even starting, like it's just really emotionally troublesome and heavy, then let's explore the, uh, mental health space part.
See, um, a therapist, mental health practitioner, your doctor, whoever you trust that can help you and guide you through some of these obstacles. Okay. Back to what we were just talking about though, the fooling yourself into thinking that, oh, it's not really gone and this is why those rooms, those miscellaneous bins, closets rooms, or for to decide later are so troublesome.
Here's a caveat to that. Right now I actually have a client who has a, well, I don't, I think it's like 6,000 square foot home. They don't have children or anything, so it's just them and, and their lovely pets. And that works. They've worked really hard for that space, and it's their space, but it is large square foot footage wise.
So they have extra room and rooms where they can put aside their, to tackle later on their way out decisions. Um, so they can afford that space. It does not encroach into their mental health space or into, into their. Literal, like their everyday space, they don't really see it. So we only put stuff in there whenever they're indecisive about things or they've tried to sell it, and they're going to see how long it takes.
And if they don't have anybody that buys it or they don't get the, the amount that they want for the thing, they will decide on another action. So they're able to afford that space without it encroaching into their mental health and or in their physical space. So if you have that space, great, but if you don't, then this is when it becomes, you know, a little bit of a problem because now it's encroaching into your space, your living quarters, and you being comfortable and you being able to feel liberated and free and think clearly.
So that's kind of a really, you know, funny space to be in that if you need us to walk you through, like, or help you determine what's, what's healthy and what's not, let's talk about it. Um, so that's where it gets tricky. For them. For instance, it's, they don't like the feeling of regret when they've donated or sold something, so they have the space designated for, it's on the way out.
They're taking their time into adjusting to the fact that they no longer will have these items in their lives, and that has worked really well for them. Once we let go, that is the ultimate it is gone. And we've talked, we've talked about it, you know, because I've done a couple runs for them, um, thrift runs for them.
At that point, it's gone. Like we we're not trying to fool ourselves into thinking that it'll be replaced, obviously, and if it needs to be replaced, that's a, a different story. But it is now gone, gone, gone. We're not fooling ourselves into thinking it, it might come back or I might find it again. We let it go because it did not serve us our space, our life.
And it is gone practicing. The, the action of it is really gone, I think is really healthy. That's one of my first lessons that I have learned over the 20 plus years that I've done this. The faster somebody can accept that, the easier the rest of the process will go, hi, cherish friends. Life can get overwhelming, especially when you're juggling caregiving, clutter and everything in between.
That's why I created the Organized and Cherish weekly email. That goes out every Wednesday straight to your inbox to help you keep the momentum inspiration going with tips and reminders of our upcoming events. All you have to do is head on over to organize and cherish.com and sign up for the email newsletter.
It's free and you can up subscribe whenever you'd like. It's my way of helping you simplify your life and respecting memories along the way. Now back to our show. Another lesson that I have, I have learned over the years. Let me give you a, a story. This one's actually mine and then I'll, we'll talk about this lesson.
So in the early, I dunno, two thousands, which is somehow now 25 years ago, I went to New York and bought this beautiful white coat jacket. Um, it was almost like a rain jacket. Uh, but anyway, it cost me about $125, which was a lot at the time. I mean, it is now. It's a lot now anyway, but at the time, as a college student, that was a lot of money.
It felt like a lot of money. And I loved that jacket. I did. I thought it was super cute. I loved it. I bought it on a whim and I loved it in the moment, and it reminded me of the moment, and it was lovely. So I wore it for a few years, maybe I had a handful of times each year because it is, it was white too.
So take that into consideration, right. Now, at the time I was living in California, so we didn't need those jackets all the time. Weather pattern wise, I didn't need it. I still wore it and it was lovely, but then my body changed, my life changed, and I moved to Colorado and instead of making a decision, I just kept it.
It didn't really fit anymore. I was living in Colorado where it was much colder during the jacket months. I didn't donate it. This is 20 years, by the way. I didn't sell it. I didn't tailor it. It just sat there. Asking for nothing but taking more than I realized because over time, the white shifted to an off-white.
I did not dry clean it. It's not quite vintage enough to be special. It doesn't fit like my style anymore. And now I'm faced with options and none of them are free. Of course, the last one of letting go is the free one, but I mean, the other options that in my head where I want to relive this jacket are not free.
And whenever we. Say we want to relive the item or bring the item back. What we're kind of secretly saying is we want to relive the moment, the moment where you felt like a million bucks. The moment of the trip, the beautiful trip, the most fun trip, the on a whim trip, the I could afford a trip, or I thought I could afford it.
In the moment, trip, going into a fancy store and buying something, fancy trip. You're trying to relive the story behind the item. So I could keep it safe, which means or meant, or I, I guess so. Actually I'm living that, this story now, actually, it's not even the past. Like I'm going through the, the, the motions with you so I could keep it safe, which means the right hanger, the right cover, the right space, but I still need to clean it because it's off white now and it's just kind of not looking right.
It's just kind of that stiff material now. So I do need to pay for the dry cleaner. I need to then get the right hanger cover in the right space. I could tailor it, which costs more money and time because even if I clean it, it still doesn't fit right. So I need to get it tailored. So that's a couple of, you know, depending on 50 to a hundred dollars, I could wait and hope it becomes valuable someday, even though I don't love it that much.
So I could become a curator of vintage items in my special little bin. So I have options. And then the last is to let it go. Yes, someone will be finding a a hundred at the time, $125 retail value coat. Is it worth that anymore? I don't know. And should I care? And here's the reframe that finally landed for me.
So I am going through the, the process of it now, but where I am now is that this jacket isn't $125 anymore. It's $125 plus 20 years of mental energy plus storage, plus decision fatigue, plus the quiet drain of seeing it and thinking I should deal with that over and over and over again. And when I'm honest with myself, I don't even love it enough to turn it into an heirloom.
If I did, I'd be treating it like one. I'd be caring for it intentionally and not postponing it indefinitely. So the real question stopped being. What was this worth and became, what is this costing me now? And that's the other side that we don't always let ourselves see. That's the other side of that lesson of not seeing the other question of what have I been spending on this thus far?
And that can be really costly. So yes, something might have cost $500, let's say in a address that you bought for 500 or that lamp or the desk. Yes, you might only get a hundred dollars or $20 if that back, if you sell it or if you give it to the consignment store. But the alternative isn't free because keeping something means protecting it properly, giving it physical space, carrying it mentally, letting it compete with the things you actually use and enjoy, and sometimes freeing up that space, that physical and mental space allows you to choose fewer.
Better things, higher quality that you actually reach out for again and again, and that's intentional. Letting go isn't about being careless, it's about being honest about who you are now and not who you were when you bought the thing. And if you're struggling with that honesty, that's okay. I mean, like I said, I, I just ran through my, my process that I'm dealing with right now.
I kind of shortened it for you, so you didn't have to go in my endless rant in my mind. But it happens, and that's okay. I mean, most of us do. I do. It's happening right now, but the process of letting go is a love and learn process. It's a, I loved the thing, I loved it. Maybe I loved it, not anymore. And I also love that I'm letting it go.
I love that about me, that I am being. Particular and intentional about my stuff, that I care enough about myself and about my finances and my mental health to make this decision. I love that about myself and I love that I'm able to do it. So we are going to let this go, and the action of letting go, it's part of the love, it's part of the love for the thing, for the item, for the object, for your space, and for yourself.
Before we end the episode, I wanna bring up Scot fallacy into the conversation for just a quick second and the, and loss aversion. I've talked about it another episode. So if you've been here for a hot minute, you know that these are key terms that I do like to bring up once in a while. Not to get too heavy, if you have a minute, look them up.
But basically some cost fallacy is if you're not aware of what these are. These are very heavy researched topics and key terms about what's going on with the brain. So if you wanna dig deeper into why sometimes you have a really hard time letting go of your stuff, then you want to look at the sunk cost fallacy.
And do you want to look at loss aversion? So the sunk cost fallacy is, it's at an irrational tendency or thought to continue to do the same thing, like purchase, like keep something. Based on past investments of how much time, money, and effort it took, rather than the future benefit, which is exactly what we're talking about, right?
The sun cost fallacy, like you just, you are losing more than you're gaining based off of the action of letting go, like for today's topic. The other one is loss aversion. It's a psychological term. It's the pain of losing that is so much stronger than the pleasure of gaining. This is where giving something up, you're stuck.
Letting it go, throwing it away, donating it, selling it, giving it to someone that will actually use it. That pain that it brings you is much heavier in your brain and your heart than the pain of what you might be gaining from doing that action. Look at those two terms. If this is something you wanna dig deeper that maybe you're facing and touch back and see if this is something that did help you.
Um, and hopefully that will also inspire you to move forward. So before we head out, let me, I actually, I don't know if you know this behind the scenes a little bit. So when I am recording these episodes, it's in a closet. It is the best soundproof place in my home. So if not, because we have kind of high ceilings in some places, so there's a lot of echo.
So that's where I record. And once in a full moon, I will be recording and, and deep in, in the conversation because I'm just talking to the computer like I'm talking to a friend or I'm giving a talk at a workshop. And once in a while, as as I am. Talking to into the microphone and the computer, I will accidentally touch the keyboards and of course you could probably hear it.
So anyway, and my producer is amazing and a magician, but there's still things that are probably hard to edit. Alright, so going back to the soft action of the week though, as we wrap up on this podcast for the week, is to some of my soft. Most actionable tips will always be to start small and give you that momentum.
Um, I will never let go of that. It's just that when you start small, when you kind of just like itty bitty goes to the drawer, go to one shelf clear one, one table area, or one tabletop area, then that just somehow triggers you and creates that momentum. So I will always say, start with something small.
This week what I want you to do is, yes, start small, but with a thought. So don't, don't start decluttering your room unless you're ready. If we're ready, let's go. Like, do not lose that momentum, okay? I don't wanna lose that for you. But if you're not there and you know you have to do it, you just have to take in any action.
I want you to pick one item you've been circling and ask yourself about this item. What is this costing me right now in space care and mental energy? Answer that. Be honest about it. Write it down. Record it on an audio clip if you, if that's better for you. Hear yourself, read it out loud and see how that feels.
Okay. Because sometimes when we, or have someone else read it for you, we, I have done this exercise quite a bit, or someone will ask themselves a question, they'll answer it, and then they will have someone else read it to them, and then the reality of what it's really sounds like out loud for someone else to read it, for you, to read it back, or for yourself to read it out loud becomes more clear.
That there needs to be actioned and that might inspire you to just go for it. Like, you know what, this sounds so silly. I can't believe I just wrote that, or I can't believe I just said that. It's validating, it's, it's real. It's a real thought. But when you hear it back, and if someone else was saying this, you might be thinking, okay, yeah, no, that, that's not a good enough reason for me to keep it.
Let's go ahead and let it go. Let's make a decision. Clarity is progress. That is your action of the week. Remember, uh, we have organized and cherish chats the third Wednesday of the month at 10:00 AM on Zoom. Just send me an email at hello@theorganizedflamingo.com or head on over to any of our social media platform.
Send me a message and I will send you the Zoom link. Okay? Uh, you can also go to our website and you can find it there. Have an amazing week. Happy organizing.
Thank you for listening to the Organized and Cherish podcast with the Organized Flamingo. If you enjoy today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you left a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It helps others discover our show. For full show notes, resources, and more organizing inspiration, visit www.theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast.
Until next time, happy organizing.