In this episode, we provide a practical checklist for supporting your loved one through the process of downsizing and moving to a smaller home. We discuss essential tips for helping them declutter, organize, and manage the emotional aspects of this significant life transition. Whether you're preparing to help a loved one downsize, relocate, or declutter their living space, this episode offers valuable insights to guide you through every step of the journey. Tune in for helpful advice on making this process smoother and more compassionate.
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In this episode we talk about:
- The emotional journey of downsizing and how to help your loved one
- How to approach hard conversations about decluttering sentimental items
- What to think about before, during and after the move
Mentioned in this Episode:
- Moving Checklist: Sandwich Generation HERE
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The Organized & Productive podcast is brought to you by The Organized Flamingo and hosted by Stephanie Y. Deininger! For those of you who love the thought of organizing & being more productive, but don’t know where to start or constantly up against hurdles that don’t let you advance the way you want to, this podcast is for you!
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Review the Transcript:
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:00:00]:
Hey, friends, welcome to our episode this week. This week we are talking about moving, supporting your loved one's transition to a smaller home. So here's the thing. Our podcast is all about all things, organizing and productivity. And my entire purpose of this podcast, and I feel like almost my calling, is to make sure that I bring you what you need in your organizing journey. And some of our journeys will change throughout our lives. Right? Like, sometimes we are really into trying to be more productive because of our work, because of our, you know, whatever life we're in and just trying to maximize our time as much as possible in other times of our life. We will need to be helpful to our loved ones and the community that I service and all of you who have been attracted to us and have become part of our family in our the organized flamingo community over the years.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:00:56]:
You all seem to be, or many of you, I shouldn't say all, but many of you seem to be in the sandwich generation era of your life. Meaning you are going to be taking care of a loved one pretty soon. Through a transition of downsizing, maybe, you know, a loved one has passed or changed into a different part of their life. And so now you need to think about the stuff that you inherited, or you will. So these episodes are starting to become a little bit more targeted towards that audience. But I want you all to remember that these tips also apply to your own personal life, even if you're not helping a loved one or a neighbor or a friend right now, all of the tips that we're giving you are centered around these life transitions. So this week we are talking about moving and it's supporting your loved ones transition to a smaller home. But many of these tips apply to you, and if you have any specific questions, just let me know.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:02:00]:
This is how I create content based on the feedback that you all give me. So if these are becoming really relevant and you love it and you want me to give you more, then please let me know. And if it's the opposite of that, where you would like a few more episodes on just genera topic, generic topics, like some of the top tips on, you know, how to organize your pantry, or just more of the everyday organizing, please let me know because I create this content for you. So, okay, so let's get to our topic for this week, which is, it's almost like a checklist and it's really the things that I want you to remember to do as you are moving or helping a loved one transition to a smaller space. So let's get to it welcome to the organized and productive podcast with the organized Flamingo. I am your host, Stephanie, a professional organizer and productivity expert ready to explore the right organizing and productivity solutions for you. Yeah. Well, then, let's go.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:03:01]:
So there are seven sections to this checklist. The first section is the early conversations and planning. So this is if you have enough time to start planning now, some of you will have to make a decision very quickly, like overnight, you know, maybe there was a life event that happened and within 24 hours or a weekend, you do have to make a decision and move them into a smaller space, right from like, their home apartment, and then move them into a much smaller space. Even that is considered the early conversation. So the first part of this is to discuss the move with them, not necessarily in detail, if you are not able to. So depending on where your loved one is in their journey, because if they have something like dementia, you might not be able to have that conversation. If you have a loved one that is not in a place to absorb the information, have that conversation, you might not be able to. So what I would suggest under these conditions is to ask the healthcare provider, mental health provider, the therapist, whoever you're working with in conjunction with your loved one, and ask, what are some good, you know, what is the, what is a good starting point? Or where can I meet them to have the conversation? So they will be able to give you some tips on that.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:04:27]:
Maybe it's something that is more tailored to the level of, like, the chapter they are in life and they're able to comprehend. So that's what I would suggest. But if you are able to have the conversation, then absolutely. And have a compassionate conversation, you know, with, with them, ensure that they understand and are comfortable with the process so that it's just more enjoyable as much as possible for everyone involved. And then later on, there's not this miscommunication. And speaking of miscommunication, this is where setting a timeline will be very beneficial. I would really, really emphasize and tell you how important it is to, if you're not going to talk about anything, like feelings, like, you know, you don't have to talk about anything. But what I would like strongly suggest is for you to talk about timelines and goals with that person.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:05:21]:
Because timeline is something that gets misconstrued sometimes. Your interpretation of we need to get this done soon is six months for them, or a year, and they didn't realize you meant in the next month or the next week or, you know, hour, whatever. So be really clear about the end goal and your timeline, super important. I just did a podcast about this as well, so I'll put it in the show notes about the questions that I would suggest that you asked a loved one, that they're very important because. Because this is where most of those arguments or miscommunications or frustration comes from. You just don't have a goal and you didn't set a timeline. And then the last one is just to create a moving binder. So that's really for all moves.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:06:06]:
You really. I would suggest having it in one place. Some of it's for obvious reasons, to be organized, you know, to be tidy, if you will. But the other part is that since it's not really your life, per se, it's someone else's life that you are trying to help in the process. That way they're kept separate, they're easy to get to, and if you ever need to transfer the responsibility to someone else or have them help you, you will have everything in one place. So have a binder of some sort. And if you're a digital person, then have it in your onenote or Google Drive, wherever. But I just mean one container, one space so that it's easily accessible and transferable.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:06:47]:
Okay, so now let's go over the inventory and sorting very quickly. My three tips that I have for you for this section, which is section number two in the checklist, is to go room by room and do a quick inventory. You can be as detailed as you want, but at least keep some sort of idea of what is in that room and take notes on what you think you should. They're going to want to keep. If you've had the conversation with them, hopefully they're part of the conversation and say, okay, tell me very quickly, what do you want to keep? What do you want to donate, sell and discard and let go of. The most important part here with a loved one is to ask them what they want to keep. Because if you start the conversation of what do you want to give away or throw away or donate, there's a lot of what ifs or, oh, I'm not ready, or it's a maybe pile. So I would start with, okay, what is something that you would be devastated if this was gone or lost? Like, what do you have to keep now? Some family members or loved ones or neighbors or whatever it may be they make say, well, you know, everything, or they may not have a very clear definition of what they have to keep.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:08:01]:
And this is where you just need to remind them of where they are in life, in a compassionate way. Sometimes being of the truth is what they need. It's the, you know, this is where we're at in life. Okay? We are, you know, you have to move from, you know, this amount of square footage to this amount of square footage, or, you know, where you're going is much smaller. And that is where we are in life. So not everything will fit. What would you like to do? If they want to keep it in storage? Do they want to do something else with it? That is a conversation, you know, you can further discuss, but being honest is going to take you much further and with more clarity versus trying to sugarcoat everything and having them keep everything where they might not be able to. So I would start with, what do you want to keep? Like, it's super important.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:08:49]:
And then everything else, hey, this might have to go, you know, and just being really clear about that. And so that's number one and number two. And then the third one under this section is to respect the memories, to be mindful of the items that do have sentimental value. And that could be everything. That could be, you know, things that you may not have thought of that are sentimental. So discuss these with your loved one and consider how to honor them. So maybe they would be open to you photographing them instead of keeping them or, you know, having them professionally scanned if it's. If it's in the budget.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:09:24]:
But have that conversation and honor them, not so much dismissing them, because that is just a trigger point for most people. It's also just not very nice. Right. This is like, their lifelong memories. Even if you feel like, oh, this was not, you know, decades, this isn't even important. This was just from last week. For them, it's important. It holds some memory that is about to change, and their whole life is about to change.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:09:50]:
So be mindful and respect those memories is my suggestion for this. Okay, let's move on to the third section. Okay, so this is where the decluttering and downsizing is actually going to start happening. The action of not just the plan. I am a big proponent to have sections, or, excuse me, sections like where almost like a prep table to visualize it, to help you visualize it. So sections that are very well defined and try some sessions if you can, so it's not having to be done all at once. Now, this is where I'm going to cover the preparation in just a second, where we ask for help. But before all of that, and as you're planning it out, think about, okay, can I.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:10:35]:
Can I do some sessions? Sprint sessions, I've talked about these in several podcasts, so it's not so overwhelming, because if you're not used to organizing other people and it's not your stuff, then it can be very overwhelming and it will burn you out. So have some of those sessions, have some rest periods, have some touch points and check in points so that you can measure the progress as you're going when it feels like you're. It's just never ending. So have one of those, of course, encourage the donations and explore repurposing under this section. So if they are involved in the, in the decluttering and downsizing, which is one of the questions that I encourage you to ask in one of the previous podcast, is to ask how much they want to be involved. Sometimes they don't even want to be involved. They're like, you know what, I'm okay with whatever you decide, and that takes care of that. So ask them that question and then start encouraging the, hey, there's other ways to let go, but we do need to make mindful decisions as quickly as possible.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:11:39]:
So that's part of the section for the paperwork. I absolutely, you know, make you make. Make sure that those, you go through those as close as possible, because paperwork is probably the one place where there is written consent or written, let's say, you know, legal speak, if you will, like, about their house, about their property, about their cars, whatever. They own bank accounts. So make sure they know where that is and that you keep it safe for them because that is a lot of times the only place that. Where you can actually quickly get to the information you need to. To make decisions for them or with them. So, paperwork, definitely keep it under one section, go through it, hire somebody to do that.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:12:23]:
So right before the move, which is our section number four is going to be the measuring of new measuring of the space. I put. Put it in the checklist so that you at least think about it because I know most people don't. If you don't want to, maybe ask the property manager or the people that are in charge of the new location if they have one. So that way when you're ordering whatever you need for them, you have the measurements handy. Because this is another really frustrating part for people where they will. They will order something and it doesn't fit. I mean, that's frustrating enough in our everyday life, but when it's for someone else, it feels.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:13:04]:
It feels extra frustrating because you can't be there. Twenty four seven to do the return, to do the measurement. So I always tell people do at least one good measuring, like hour or whatever power hour, or ask for it so that you can start. If you need to order things, you can order based off of that. Same thing with creating a floor plan. I put that in there because the things that you don't think about, for instance, having people come in, the people that will be coming in and out of her room or their room or whoever room, your parents's room, they will, they might need some clearance for the cart, for the deliveries, for the chair, whatever. So creating a floor plan will really give you that ability to visualize easily from wherever you are, not having to go all the time and measure and be there necessary. And you can, you can, when you're asking for help, you can delegate it much easier when you do these things and it'll prep you for the long run.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:14:01]:
So before the move, also label the boxes clearly, you know, this is, this is going to make unpacking much easier. It's, again, it's not your stuff, too. So you might not, you're not going to remember. Chances are you actually really won't remember what's in the box. So label it as either detailed, but general enough, you know, that it. You're not going into a long list. One of the tips that I always have for you, and I've mentioned in several podcasts or several episodes, is to not go too much into detail in the, in the labeling, just in case anybody, you know, especially when it comes to sensitive stuff, like nobody can get into it. So be general, but just don't give away any personal information in the labeling.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:14:43]:
And then before you pack anything, though, take a video or pictures of how the house or the space used to be as they left it, because this will help you when trying to remember where the items were and documented before. It's even very helpful for insurance purposes. So try to go through with a video really quick throughout the rooms or pictures so that you can see where things were. Also, this is going to help when your loved one is asking, hey, do you remember this item? Or hey, I left whatever item, I left my, my jewelry next to the, you know, the bookcase next to my room. Did you see it? And that way you can go back to the video or the picture, zoom in and see what they're talking about. So take, take some video there. Okay, so now it's moving day, which is our fifth section here in our checklist. Moving day.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:15:37]:
But so now this is kind of a little bit in the pre planning slash. I didn't put it in the pre planning, because most of what, what ends up happening in these scenarios is that your everything's happening all at once. So most likely as you're moving, you're trying to find help. You might have asked in the pre planning, but you really, well, you aren't able to know what you need until you get there. So I put it under the moving day, but this is where you can hire a team or ask for help. Put a post on your Facebook, on your social media, text message your friends and family and say, hey, is anybody available to help? Or hire a professional? So arrange for a pro organizer, a packer, a mover to help you. But this is where, hey, it's moving day. Like, I need help.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:16:22]:
Can anybody, you know, recruit the people? And if you have time, of course, please do it ahead of time. Give people some heads up. But many times you won't have a lot of time. So. But, you know, something for you to consider, at least in the checklist on moving day, I did put the stay calm and supportive because I don't think a lot of times we remember that this is, this is, this is a lot. And to remember that your sanity is really important, yours and your loved ones, but yours, because it's not you like, it's for somebody else. So stay calm, as supportive as possible, but keep your sanity. So remember your boundaries and try to meet somewhere in the middle because nobody's really prepared or wants to do this probably.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:17:09]:
So just know that everyone's on the same boat. You know, it just, this is how life is. And trying to stay as calm and as supportive as possible will help everyone involved. Okay. So for overseeing the move, this is where the asking for help is going to be important. I see a lot of people just kind of go, go and they don't have one other person to make sure that someone is overseeing the actual move or that items and belongings are being handled with care and that nothing is left behind. So have a checkpoint, at least a little check. My attempt to give you that is here in the checklist.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:17:48]:
So when you leave, just make sure that someone is doing this. Like the, you know, going around into the space and making sure everything has left, has been packed, has been properly labeled, and has been properly documented in some way, shape or form. Okay. Hopefully you have some help of somebody to do this, but it's very important so that at the end you feel like you did close that chapter or that, I mean, that literal house, that literal chapter, you can close the door and say, I did go through everything or someone did and they ensured that they did. And then the last one is when you do pack. A tip I have for people that are helping others is if you don't know what to pack in their, like the first night, but like their first night box, if you will, which actually I forgot to mention, but that is in your pre move preparation to make sure that you have a first night box. Like what will they be needing in the first couple of days of them being there? Very similar to if you were moving everyday items for your everyday life. But when you are packing and you're not sure what that essential is, it's most, most of the time it's the stuff that's in the hamper, around their bed, around their couch, on the counters that are nearby, a place where they usually would sit.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:19:04]:
So that's usually what we consider the essentials for them. It's usually their medicine, their notes, something that their favorite book, their favorite drink or water bottle or glass or sweater. That's usually where the things are because it's what mostly was used and around them, everything else you probably did not get to. So that's what we would consider usually the things that they, it's their essentials or they use the most. Okay, so now that, you know, you're done the moving day, move in, move in and move in day, we are now going to settle in. And this is where you get to unpack everything. But may, mainly it's the essentials, it's what they're going to need, what their healthcare provider may need, what you may need. So pack those things first and then everything else I would unpack as needed.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:19:56]:
So unlike when you're unpacking a house, like an everyday house for a family or yourself, I mean, you pack it, you pack everything and then you unpack everything because that's going to be your place for the next, you know, month or years or whatever. But you know, you are settled in there, right? Like that's your home for now, for the next phase. For them in their loved one, it's, there's probably a lot of uncertainty where they will end up now, if this is going to be the place they will end up for a while because they're in a new chapter of this, like different chapter in life. I would unpack as needed versus unpacking everything. So their essentials definitely. And then as they start to remember things, maybe if you're going to be helping them through the whole process, maybe, you know, every three days you go in or every week or whatever your time is, your schedule will be every month you go in and say, hey, you know, ask them to make a list of the things that they're missing and then go get them and open them and bring them out, because sometimes they might not even use any of the stuff they used to. So that is going to be an easy selection of what they did not need. So after, you know, six months, say, hey, these are the things you haven't unpacked, you have not asked for.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:21:13]:
Can we give them away? You know, and then see what they have to say? If they're in that mental capacity, they may not be in that mental capacity. And that will allow you to make the decision, if you are allowed for them, where we have not needed any of this for whatever reason, so I can donate it, throw it away, sell it, you know, start that process of letting go. In that way you don't have to repack everything. So that's where that tip comes from. The comfort zones are all about familiarity and comfort of their new space. When it comes to other loved ones that are going through a big life transition, I always highly recommend to have some kind of place that reminds them of what they're comfortable in. Now, if they've made the decision to go into, like, some people just want to start new, they want zero remembrance of what it used to be. Especially if they, if there was some, like a death in, like a loved one, like their significant other or a loved one, or they just don't want to be remembered.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:22:18]:
They don't want to remember that space anymore, then you're going to go the opposite direction of that. But for the most part, when people move in, you know, they have, they have to move into like a smaller space. It's. There's usually a little bit of the nostalgia and sadness of what was to. Of the yesteryear. So ask if there's something like their favorite something that made them comfortable and recreate that for them so that they can have something of comfort. And the change is not so drastic that there's almost no memory of what used to be. So that is one of my big steps.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:22:56]:
And then the check in emotionally, you know, it's not just about the items here. I always check in with my clients, just how are you like, and ask them, how are you feeling being there and supporting them? Because their feelings are valid. And, you know, when they share those things that their feelings and how they're feeling and just making sure that they're. They're like, how they're doing it allows them to be. Be more comfortable with the fact that this is happening. So, Jack, kid with them emotionally. Okay. So once you are moved in and they're all settled, let's do a post move follow up.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:23:33]:
So I put three things I want you to check in at the very minimum, but that's like, to do, you know, to renew the new space. So walk through the new home to the new space with your loved one to ensure that everything is in place and comfortable as much as it can be. Ask them if there's any, you know, changes with a reminder, though, that, yes, it is different. It won't be like it was before, but they can make this base their own and start a new journey and a new chapter, especially if there will be some kind of assisted living component to this. Make sure that it's working for them, but it's also working for whoever will be helping them. And remind them that this is something that you want to make sure that they're comfortable with and then address any other concerns. So if they said something was not comfortable, see if you can make it better. Now, remember, this checklist is really centered around making your loved one's life as easy as possible, but also yours, because you are the one doing the work.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:24:35]:
And we want to acknowledge that even if they don't acknowledge it, maybe you have someone that you're helping that really is not seeing how much you're doing. But I want you to know that I see you and it can be really overwhelming and really. And hearing all of their complaints and concerns and not. And feeling like you're, you know, you're doing your best, but yet there's still problems that you need to fix is just uncomfortable in and awkward and frustrating. So listen, but also remember your own boundaries and make sure that you're able to. And if you're not, communicate that as, as much as you can. We have some of our compassionate action cards and conversation starters in our, in our toolkit, if you will, that you're welcome to have. I put them in the show notes as well.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:25:28]:
You can go to our website because we're creating new ones. But if you need help with talking points on how to address that when maybe your loved one is just like nothing, like nothing feels like it's good enough and you're organizing, decluttering, helping them downsize, then we have some prompts that you can use and encouragement on what to address and how to. How to reply to those, you know, to those comments, because that's also not fair for you. And then lastly, is to celebrate the move. This is this is a chapter in, in the life like this. Neat. This should have some kind of transition to whatever may come next. Because if you don't, everything will just blend in together and feel like it's really daunting.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:26:14]:
So have a stopping point. Have a check in with yourself with them as to when the project ended and what how you can celebrate. Like, how can you come to a close for that particular event? It's not like you're leaving. Maybe you are, you know that, but that's a separate conversation. But have some, some kind of acknowledgement for the effort and the emotional energy that went into the move. Celebrate the success and the transition with some kind of small gathering, a special treat, something to celebrate. Okay. All right, so those are our tips for the week in the moving checklist and helping and supporting your loved ones transition to a smaller space.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:26:57]:
I hope that you found this helpful. And until next week, happy organizing. Thank you for listening to the organized and productive podcast with the organized Flamingo. If you enjoyed today's episode, I would love it if you'd leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It helps with letting people know that we're here. For full show notes and resources, head on over to theorganizedflamingo.com podcast Happy organizing.
