This week on Organize and Cherish, we unpack the many forms grief takes in our storage rooms, gives you practical tips for moving through it, and sends you off with a real action plan for what to do with that stuff this week.
IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT
- The many forms grief takes in our storage rooms: losing a loved one, the end of a relationship, the season when your kids were little, a weight you used to be, a dream you let go of – and why we don't always recognize it as grief until we're standing right in front of it
- Three practical, action-oriented tips for moving through grief and clutter — including how to identify what's holding you back, separate the memory from the object, and find who your meaningful stuff could serve next
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- NAPO – National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (napo.net)
- The Year of the Storage Rooms series — including the Purpose-First approach from earlier episodes
Review full show notes and resources at https://theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast
Review Transcript:
I was at a nap O event today, and if you don't know, what NAP O is is the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals, and we were talking about grief and not just the someone like a loved one or someone you know that passed away type of grief, although we also included that in the conversation, but also about the grief that we have with our stuff.
There was one particular organizer, a good friend of mine that said, you know, every storage room that I've worked in has at least that one box that isn't really about clutter, it's just about grief. And the whole group of all of us that do this for a living in some way, shape or another, went really quiet for a second.
You know, there was not this observation, oh, oh, I don't really deal with that. Like we all basically just silently agreed, mic dropped. There was nothing else to be said because. Yes, we see that almost every time we knew exactly what she meant. In today's episode, we are going there, we're talking about grief, the quite complicated kind that lives in our storage rooms more specifically, and not just the, because someone you love, someone you know passed away type of grief, but also the type of grief that comes with letting go.
So we're gonna dive in. We're going to talk about some tips that I have for you. To either overcome it or work with it so that you can gain some momentum and get some clarity in your storage rooms, in the spaces that you store stuff, so it's no longer clutter. So here we go.
Welcome to the Organized and Cherish podcast with the organized Flamingo. I am your host Stephanie, your compassionate and deficient professional organizer. Whether you are part of the sandwich generation helping a loved one declutter, or just trying to simplify life, this is the place for you. Together we will tackle those overwhelming piles of stuff, uncover purpose in what we keep.
And let go with dignity and care, because it's not just about throwing everything away, it's about respecting memories and simplifying life. Sound like a plan? Let's jump in and get organized. Okay, so before we get into this conversation, I want to say something important before we even, you know, get into this topic.
But if you're listening to this and have a storage room that's been sitting untouched for years, maybe since a loss, maybe. Since a major life change, I don't want you to hear this episode as pressure. I want you to hear it as permission. Permission and understanding that you are not alone, that this happens more often than you probably think, and to give yourself some room for kindness, understanding, and permission to go at it gently and or at your own pace.
If you are ready to dive in and go all in, then you do what feels right. But if you're not quite ready to go as intensely or make this huge, drastic life change of decluttering everything or throwing everything away, you're in the right space. Because we are not all about drastic changes unless that is where you want to be and where you want to go.
We just don't put pressure into it. Okay. So, because here's what I know after years of doing this work, it's that. People who struggle most to clear their storage paces are usually not struggling because they're disorganized. They're struggling because those spaces are holding something real, very real, something that matters.
And when we understand that everything about the process changes, so in the conversation that I had with my fellow organizers, we were talking about what does grief in a storage room actually look like? And what came up for the most part was kind of layered, right? Some of us. Work in the chronic disorganization field.
So we really see that more often than not, others work on it on the more visual, like visually pleasing, think interior design, think staging field of organizing. So that has less of the really deep sentiment, grief, life changes. But it still comes up because usually people are trying to move on from maybe a past, uh, life that they're trying to kind of like move forward from, in other words, right?
So we all touch it in some way, shape, or form. And the most obvious kind that we noticed and we were thinking about is that the boxes that belong to someone, uh, we lost are the most obvious types of boxes, but that most of us have come to realize that things we couldn't bring ourselves to part with after.
A yes, maybe a death or a passing, but also from life changes. And that's the least obvious. Like we don't always identify big life changes as a loss and grief is associated with that. But you know, grief in storage rooms, especially. Is rarely just that we, we talked about, you know, all the seasons and whatnot, but in storage room it becomes out of sight outta mind, and sometimes you don't even realize that you are grieving the loss of a previous life because you just kind of shoved everything in that room.
So you may not always see it. So it really comes up. Then, you know, there's everything from the baby clothes in the bin, right? That you didn't realize you were done having children maybe. And that in itself is like, you might be excited or not, but at the end of the day, you're still grieving or, and or you still might be thinking about, oh my gosh, I forgot that this stuff was here once you come across it.
Or, oh, wow. I did not realize that that was, I was closing that chapter of life. Maybe on the opposite side, there was that China that. You registered for with so much hope, and now it represents a marriage that maybe ended now, maybe not so much in relationships or children, but maybe it's even within yourself and you don't even realize it.
It's the sports equipment or the pic baby pictures or your teenage. Bedroom set that your parents gifted to you, you know, you had to take it back and now you're kind of grieving that part of your life that maybe is no longer playing that sport. Maybe you're no longer in those recitals, you know, you kind of moved on.
Uh, it really comes into play with clothing, people who have fluctuated in different parts of their weight. And they feel like they either wanted to go back to that whatever, you know, that weight was or they wanted or that, um, time in their life when that was a popular trend. You know, with fashion, I see that a lot with clothing.
Um, you kind of forget that that part of your life is no longer with us because time has passed and there's also the grief, um, of a self that we used to be, or a self that we wanted to become. So you know everything from, from the art supplies, from when you really were going to get back to painting that guitar.
You were sure you'd learn. So now, now we're talking about what you wanted to become or the business materials from a venture that didn't work out. These things carry a kind of tender sadness that is an absolute grief, even if it doesn't always feel like we're allowed to call it that. That's kind of what, that is what it is.
Like the feelings come out the same and the holding onto them is very similar. And one of the organizers in our group, you know, really reminded us how when you walk into a storage room, it's not just the boxes and the stuff, but of course it's the memories, but you are also seeing that person's life kind of flash right before their eyes and.
And the things that they, they need to let go of. And so that is a lot of feelings and a lot to process all at once. Hi, cherish friends. Life can get overwhelming, especially when you're juggling caregiving, clutter and everything in between. That's why I created the Organizing Cherish Weekly email that goes out every Wednesday straight to your inbox.
To help you keep the momentum inspiration going with tips and reminders of our upcoming events, all you have to do is head on over to organize and cherish.com and sign up for the email newsletter. It's free and you can up subscribe whenever you'd like. It's my way of helping you simplify your life and respecting memories along the way.
Now back to our show. So what do we actually do with this information? Because we're here to make progress on our spaces, right? So not just sit with the hard feelings. A couple tips that I have for you, having done this for many, many decades, is that two and a half to be exact. Okay? Um, if you're new, new to the podcast, I don't wanna pretend like I'm here.
I've been doing this for a hundred years. Um, but anyway, first let's name it. When you are standing in front of a box or a bin and you notice that, pull that resistance, that feels bigger than logic. Take a breath and ask yourself, is this, is this grief? Am I grieving for what the items represent? And then just let that answer be what it is for a minute.
And from there, the acknowledgement will kind of start carrying you forward. I know it sounds very silly if you've never done this before. This type of exercise before you feel like it's just, it's just words. It's, it's, uh, will it actually make a difference? Like I need to actually get, make momentum action, right?
I promise you that you will, but that acknowledgement is what starts to propel you. There's something powerful about saying, even just to yourself, I'm holding onto this because I miss her, or, this represents a version of my life. I'm still mourning. That honesty takes that shame out of it. And when the shame is gone, we start to make clear decisions.
And this is something we talked about in the conversation today, that we have so many people that we work with that are so close to taking action so that they can see the other side of clarity of feeling lighter and not so burdened with all the stuff and all the decisions that you have to make because it's quiet noise.
Especially if you're not being intentional about what you're keeping. Another tip that I have for you is to separate the memory from the object as much as possible. So this is something I come back to often in my work. What ends up happening is you, you start to confuse the person, the well, the item with the person or the feeling.
So we believe that if we let go of the object. We lose the memory of ourselves, the memory of once upon a time that that represents or the person that it used to belong to. And that's not how memory works. Okay? You carry your mother in your heart, not in the bread machine that she never used, and sometimes keeping every physical remnant actually gets in the way of truly grieving because it keeps us frozen rather than allowing us to move forward.
Now, I do wanna remind you, this is probably a good time. I know you know this. I'm not. A grieving specialist. Okay. Or a mental health practitioner. But I work very closely with individuals that are, and with the people that are working with someone. And so my tips are based off of what has generally worked for most people when they do work alongside someone, if they're having a hard time letting go.
So if you're not able to do this yourself, you are definitely not alone. Try working with either like a mental, he health professional, a grieving consultant, somebody that understands this work alongside your organizing journey. And some of you are already ready. You're ready. You've done the work, and this is just more of a refresher.
Um, but let me just make sure that, you know, I kind of remind you that my tips are always based on what I have seen work with people actually taking action. Okay. I know that some things are worth keeping. The question isn't always, does this need to go though? It's what am I keeping this for and does this reason still serve me right now, and do I see a vision of it with this stuff going forward?
That goes right back to what we explored in in a couple of our past episodes in in the storage room year, our Purpose First approach to storage rooms. When you can name the purpose a thing is serving, including the emotional or memorial purpose, you can make much more intentional decisions about it. So it's not that you don't shouldn't keep it, it's that it needs to have some kind of intention so that it has a purpose to be in your space.
And the third tip I've got for you and, and something we talked about in the group today was to pace yourself. So grief does not respond well to pressure. If you sit down to clear a storage room that has real emotional weight and you try to marathon through it in one weekend, you'll either shut down entirely or you'll make decisions you will regret later, and we'll really try to avoid that.
So give yourself some smaller windows. Practice smaller sections at first. See how that feels. Take breaths and if you open a box and find something that stops you. Honor that, put this box aside for another day because you don't want that negative connotation or else you won't keep going, you'll stop.
You know, the goal is to move forward with intention. Okay, so I wanna share one more thing, um, before we head on out for the week. Someone in the group today, um, a very experienced organizer of ours talked about a client that they had worked with who had lost. Their husband a couple, you know, few years before, and the storage room was full of his things.
They've been untouched since he passed and she said, you know, my, the organizer had said that my client keeps apologizing to me. She keeps saying, I know I should have done this already. I know this is ridiculous. And I just keep saying there's no should. Here. You did exactly what you needed to do and you kept him close in the only way you could.
I also might may add that as a background, this person kept, the client had kept all their stuff in their original format in the closet, in the storage room as well, and in an offsite unit. So there was quite a bit of stuff floating around, you know, in different places. So they did work through it, you know, slowly and carefully.
But what struck me was the word that she used. She said her client needed to feel. Seen before she could let it go. She needed someone to see the love in those boxes before she could move forward. It was almost like, I want others to see this person before I can let go. And I think that's one of the most profound things about this work, and you might be relating to this because sometimes we're not disorganizing.
We're being present with someone at a crossroads in their lives. So what we're saying here is I see that. This meant a lot to you. I see who you loved. Like I, I see who you were. Maybe if it's your own stuff and you are allowed to carry that forward in a new day. So it's almost like you just want to be seen.
And I know from experience in past episodes that I've talked about this is that when you are being seen or the person you loved is being seen one last time. It just makes the process a little bit easier. So that, that story this week or this week on today, um, really reminded me that if you need that being seen, have someone there with you so you can tell the story one last time before you start letting go of the stuff, but the memory and the person will always be in your heart.
The person that you used to be will always be there in some way, shape, or form. You are just now moving forward in a way that is a lot more clear and lighter. Okay? So for this week section, I am going to encourage you to do two things. One is going to be a gentle reminder or identification almost. You're gonna go around into your storage rooms or the ones that are you're struggling with the most, especially if there is grief involved, either grief of a previous life, a previous, uh, goal or a pre a loved one that passed away.
Something along the lines. Okay. We're going to identify and make sure that you either are identifying that stuff as, yes, that is grief. I, I am, I am not ready and or I am ready. But it was grief. It is no longer that. But I want you to kind of identify if that's why you are having a hard time letting go.
And if it's not, we're going to put a sticky note or some kind of sticker that identifies it. No, it's not grief, it's something else because we're go going to explore in the next couple of sessions or the in here in our, in the podcast episodes. What happens when, okay, it's not grief. So you check kind of cross that off.
What can it be? And we're going to identify a couple of the other. Reasons that you might be having a hard time letting go and what to do about it. Okay, so we're gonna put that, that's kind of like a quick, okay, yes, it's grief. Let's talk about that a little further. And if it's not, let's put it in a separate section.
If it is not grief and or you are ready to let go and identified that, yes it is, I am having a hard time. I was having a hard time letting go of this stuff because I have to let go of that person we are going to find. Who though that stuff could benefit right now. So who is that person that you hope will benefit from the stuff?
And we're gonna write that down so we can start making phone calls. We can donate it, we can sell it, we can gift it and start releasing the stuff because the stuff that is really memorable to you could be really helpful to somebody else. You meeting them in the middle. So it's stuff that was special to you.
Now you can see that somebody else will be using it and loving it and appreciating it, and that might bring the full circle, full closure back. Now for some of you, you don't want to know or you don't want to see it on someone else. That's too hard. Completely understand. So for that, you will identify associations or maybe nonprofits or charities that.
You don't know the exact person who will benefit from this stuff, right? So, but you know that it's going to a good cause someone that will be using it, you know, continuing that memory on their own so that you don't necessarily have to see it like a, you know, somebody wearing it per se. Um, 'cause I know that could be really hard sometimes as well.
So those are the exercises for this week. I will see you next week. Okay. Happy organizing. Thank you for listening to the Organized and Cherish podcast with the Organized Flamingo. If you enjoy today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you left a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It helps others discover our show.
For full show notes, resources, and more organizing inspiration, visit www.theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast. Until next time, happy organizing.