This week we get into the topic of helping others organize, downsize, and declutter. Whether it's a friend, family member, or neighbor, navigating through the process of assisting others can be challenging. We talk about the intricacies of being a helpful and compassionate organizer. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and join Stephanie as she shares her expertise in making the decluttering and organizing process more efficient and guilt-free.
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In this episode we talk about:
- The importance of asking the right questions when helping others decluuter and downsize
- Setting boundaries, getting the project done quickly and with compassion
- How to ensure that you are prepared to offer the appropriate support
Mentioned in this Episode:
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The Organized & Productive podcast is brought to you by The Organized Flamingo and hosted by Stephanie Y. Deininger! For those of you who love the thought of organizing & being more productive, but don’t know where to start or constantly up against hurdles that don’t let you advance the way you want to, this podcast is for you!
Review full show notes and resources at https://theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast
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Review the Transcript:
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:00:00]:
Did someone ask you recently to help them organize, downsize, or declutter? Do you have a neighbor, a friend, a loved one that is going to be moving and they need to downsize? So they asked for some help. Or maybe you have a friend who is just overwhelmed right now and they asked for a little bit of guidance or having an accountability buddy to help them organize. If you have, then this episode is perfect for you. If you haven't, let me tell you, as we get into the later chapters of life, we might be in this predicament with our friends, with our loved ones, maybe a family member that will need some kind of assistance with figuring out what to do with their stuff. So this episode is also perfect for you. And along the way, these tips that I will be covering today will help you in your own personal life. Because just like anything that we do, when we help others, when we educate others, when we do things for other people, we gain insights about how we like things to be done and we learn a thing or two about the process so that going forward, you can adjust your own journey. So it ends up being a little bit for mostly the episode for other people, how you can be helping others and how what questions to be asking when you are helping others and if you even should be helping others.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:01:29]:
And along the way, though, this will help you as well. So let's get to our episode. Welcome to the organized and productive podcast with the organized Flamingo. I am your host, Stephanie, a professional organizer and productivity expert ready to explore the right organizing and productivity solutions for you. Yeah. Well then let's go. I am so excited about today's episode. I'm always excited.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:01:55]:
Okay, to be honest. But this one in particular, I have some updates for you. And in addition, this topic about helping others is my jam. It is one of my own personal biggest strengths as your professional friend and why you follow me. So I'm just owning it because that's what I hear over and over, but also because I feel it in my heart. And helping others ends up being so beneficial for the world, but also for your own self. So as you're going through your organizing and decluttering journey, sometimes doing the thing for someone else will help you reflect upon it and then use that knowledge, use that experience to figure out what to do with your own stuff. So that is why it's one of my favorites.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:02:42]:
And helping people figure that out has been truly one of my biggest accomplishments and feel good in life. Seeing how those aha. Moments for people come when they're helping others and they're like, oh my gosh, that's it. You know? Or when I did this for you, it just clicked. This is what I needed. And that motion, that knowledge, that moment is so impactful and very important. I'm also very excited about this topic because this is an area of expertise that we here at the organized flamingo have been focusing on in the last couple of months. And as of August 1, our social media and our content and our blog and all of the pieces we, the knowledge, the pieces that we put together for references will be covering exclusively inherited stuff, sandwich generation stuff, what to do when you're doing an estate, clear out what's worth it, what's not so really helping you through this phase of life.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:03:52]:
So I'm very excited about it because I think this is what our, our people need. Not only do I think it, like, in my mind and in my gut and in my heart, but you also have been asking for it. I think naturally, the progression of what I do and the people that I service now, they are in this place of life, wherever. It's no longer just the pantry organizing, which is very important for everyday organizing and living and feeling good about where you are and where you live, in your habits. But now there is this extra layer of other people's stuff that we, me included, I am in that generation, we are now needing to worry about. And so I want to help you navigate through this chapter of your own stuff, but also the stuff that you're needing to deal with, with family and friends and loved ones, and perhaps even your children, if they are still living with you or other family that may be moving back. So I really want to help you through this process and this part of life and how to feel good about the decisions you're making over your physical stuff so that you lead a more peaceful life, a life that you feel good about and not just always feeling guilty like I have too much or I have to do this or that. Like there's all these I have tos, so I want to avoid those.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:05:13]:
And helping you make more of the I want to do this with my stuff type of decisions that are guilt free, that are quick, you know, they're not lasting years. You're not laboring over a decision for years, creating anxiety and stress in your life. I want you to make quick, mindful, confident decisions over the stuff that you are now responsible for. So that is what this episode is about and why I'm so excited. Now let me get to my tips. So what's going, what we're going to cover today is the what questions should you be asking other people? So maybe, you know, somebody asked you for help. And these questions are the type of questions that you can be asking them and also internally asking yourself so that you can even determine if you're the right person to help them. Because just because a friend or a loved one asked you to help them does not mean you should.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:06:14]:
There actually may, there is a moment that it could backfire if you say yes because you don't know how to say no. Maybe you're a yes person, right? Or you feel guilty, or you love them so much you do want to be of help, and the type of help you offer them may not be the right help that they need, and you might be making the situation even worse. So think about them. Think about yourself. And this is the part about compassion that we emphasize here at the organized flamingo, making sure that it's not just about you, but that when you're helping, you're also helping. Making sure that you're helping, like actually helping them. You know, not just putting a body in there so that you can cross it off and say, well, I was there when you asked me for help, but in the end, you really didn't do anything and they didn't benefit from what you could have helped them with. So these questions are to get you to a place where you can confidently say either yes or maybe no or an alternative.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:07:15]:
And then after we give you those questions and we go over the questions about what to ask them and some sample responses, we'll talk about questions to ask yourself and make sure that you're the right person for whatever it is you were asked to do in the organizing, decluttering, downsizing and repurposing journey. And then we'll talk about setting boundaries and expectations. So that's the order of today. Let's get to it. So, for the purposes of making quick decisions, I'm going to give you the three top questions I would want you to get clear on. So the questions that you should be asking them, you can either post them as this, just exactly how I have them, or you can. I'm going to give you a sample response. Or of course, you can create your own.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:08:02]:
And this is where, this is where you need not can, but you need to insert what relationship you have with this person. Because what you may be saying to a friend is going to be different to what you may be saying to a parent or a sibling or a neighbor. Right. There is also the emotional piece of when you ask something for. Of someone. They may. They may be taking it as you over stepping boundaries or you're. Or you don't want to help because you're asking me of all these questions.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:08:32]:
There's some trauma involved in there. So this is where I want you to take these questions and change them a little so that it fits the personality of who you're asking. Now, you can literally ask them just as is, but these are meant to be guides to help you at least get clear on these things. So the first question is, what is your goal with this project? So you are asking that person, hey, mom. So what is your goal with this project? Or what is it exactly that you're looking to do when she asks you? The second one is, when do you need to finish by? Or what is your timeline? Hey, neighbor. Absolutely. Okay. I'd love to help, but can you tell me a little bit about when you need to to get this done by so that I can make sure that I have the inside of it? You can say, you know, inside, in your own head.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:09:25]:
You can determine, well, do I even have the time? Is this too quick? Etcetera? And the third question is, why do you think of me when asking for help on this project? Or why did you think of me when you asked about this project? This will give you some insight as to why they think you are the right person to be asking. You might be the only person that they know they can trust. Their answer may be something like this, which I hear often. It is the I didn't know who else to ask. Sometimes it's just a blatant, well, you're the only one I know would say yes. And based on their response, that will tell you a lot about what is happening here. If they are desperate and or they don't know who else, or they have asked everyone, and you're the only one that always says yes. That might give you some insight over something.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:10:24]:
You might not like it. You may be okay with it. That might be who you are, and you embrace it and you love it. But that also may be the reason why you would need to reassess if this is something you do want to do. So these are the three questions. They're very quick, they're simple. Address them how you think is best. A sample response would be something like, I would love to, but can you tell me more about your project to make sure that I can help? Like, what is your goal? What's your timeline? And how do you think I can help? And that way it's really casual.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:10:59]:
It doesn't invade into the, you know, asking more questions and overwhelming them even more. And it can give you some insights over if you're the right person for. For this. Okay, so let's get to the questions to ask yourself. Once they have answered those, what I would suggest is to have these questions ready in your mind in the conversation. Because most of the time, it's like a live conversation. Whether they called you, it's in person, maybe via text. Obviously via text, you can take a little longer, but there could be that awkward pause that makes things uncomfortable for you.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:11:38]:
And for them. Asking for help is a big deal, and it is not easy for most people. Some people are great at it. You know, they're. They're delegators. They're, hey, can you maybe sometimes a little too much, you know? But for many people, this is a very hard thing to do. And asking for help, it takes bravery. It takes.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:12:00]:
It takes a skill that we don't practice enough, in my opinion. So that awkward pause can make things even worse for everyone involved. So these questions are great to have in your back pocket, like right next to you, so that you can immediately have some kind of response, or you can at least internally ask yourself and have a response. You, of course, can always say, let me think about it. That if you're not ready to answer right away, just simply say, you know, okay, got it. Let me. Let me get back to you. Can you give me 24 hours or can you give me a day or two to think about it and make sure that I'm able to, and then go ahead and ask yourself these questions.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:12:39]:
So it could work both ways. But if you're caught in a situation where you technically should or could be answering right away, these are the quick questions to be asking yourself. The first one is, all right, is their goal a goal that I believe in or that I can get on board with? So, as they're asked telling you their goal, you know, their first question, they answered it. In your mind, can you get behind this goal of theirs? This is especially true in close relationships where you may or may not agree with what they're doing. But can you get behind what their goal is? Because this is about them. It's about helping others and not just about you. In the end, like I mentioned in the intro, it will somehow give you some reflection upon your own stuff, in your own life, in your own organizing journey. But in this instance, they're asking you for help.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:13:36]:
So it's about them. So can you get behind what their goal is? And what they're trying to achieve. If it's a big fat no, then you might need to think about this because you will need to swallow. You may need to put your earbuffs in and kind of be a true helper. You know, show up for them. And if you don't think you can do that, then helping might backfire. Backfire may make things more stressful for them and for you. And it doesn't really move, make any movement in the.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:14:09]:
In this journey. So something to think about. The second is, do I have the resources to help, including time and energy and strength. So as they're telling you about their goal of the project, when they need to finish by or what their timeline is, do you have the time? Are you in town? Are you really in a busy season right now? Are you stressed yourself that that is not going to really work for you? Then we talk about the energy. I mean, it could be mental energy and actual energy. If you're not in a place right now that you can give that person the help they need again, it will backfire. And same with strength. Did you recently have an injury? Is something hurting? Are you in a place where you, you know, you know, that person has very heavy boxes and things and stuff, and you might not be the right person to help them if you're not strong enough and might get hurt, and it might delay the process for them and it'll hurt you even more, and it won't even be enjoyable at all, you know? So this is the question that I want you to make sure that you are okay with as they're talking about their goals and their timeline and whatnot.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:15:23]:
Okay. And then the third is, am I the right person for the job? So once they answer all of these questions, are you thinking, oh, my gosh, I'm afraid of spiders? They want this done this weekend, and I'm already booked. So helping that person, helping my aunt organize their garage, that right now, when it's 120 degrees or what feels like it's very hot, I'm afraid of spiders, and I don't have the time. Then are you even the right person for this job? Should I even be doing this? Is this something that I just need to kind of say, no, not right now or maybe next week, but honestly, even if it was next week and you do have the time after this weekend, but if you're afraid of bugs and spiders and things, is this going to be such a traumatic moment for you in the relationship you have with this person that it might not be worth it? So ask yourself those types of questions. You know, setting boundaries and expectations is very important. If you do decide to help, clearly communicate your limits and what you can realistically offer, because this will help prevent misunderstandings and success for both you and your loved one and for everybody involved. So having those really set boundaries and expectations are important, especially when helping others, because I understand. I completely understand.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:16:51]:
You know, when you are in a place where you do, you. You're not the right person for the job and you, you really can't help, but you want to be there for that person. Well, then maybe you can tell them that and say, you know, I'm not in a place to be carrying those things, but I'd be happy to bring lunch. I'd be happy to bring some waters, some ice waters. Would that be of help? I can be there, you know, at eleven and then again at two. And I'll drop off some snacks or some music. Hey, do you need a playlist? I, you know, I can curate a great playlist to get you motivated. So offer yourself in other ways.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:17:25]:
Once you learn about what their goals are. When you don't ask these questions, you won't even know what you're saying yes or what you're saying no to. So I want you to make sure that you're clear and that you're clear about your own boundaries as well. Because even if you're so good at what you do, sometimes, that is the reply. Well, to the third question that you're asking them where it's well, I asked you because you're really good. I get this all the time for myself. Well, you're really good at organizing. Do you think you can come help me? It doesn't mean that I'm the right person because that depending on who it is, it might ruin the relationship.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:18:05]:
Or the way that I do things is a little different than how they are doing it, or I may not be okay with what their goal is. So just because I'm good at something does not mean that I'm the right person to be helping them. And so then I can offer some other ways that I can be of service to them. If your values don't align and you can't get on board of it, on board with that project or what they want to do, you might not be helpful at all. And they may need additional resources to get them to where they want to be. Like you may be putting them behind. So, you know, another reason to set some good, clear boundaries and expectations. Okay, so those are some of the very quick questions to ask others and ask yourself when helping others.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:18:49]:
I have an entire other list of questions you could be asking specific to specific instances. So if you have more of a unique situation or you'd like to discuss your situation, then give us a call. It's all in the show notes so that I can help you through it because I understand that sometimes these are very, very, very broad conversations and tips, and if you want them tailored to you, then let's talk about it a little bit more. But I do think that these questions will help pretty much any situation, so give it a try. Let us know if they were helpful. Also, in just a couple of days after this episode first airs on August 21, we have our love yourself space doing 25 minutes or less tasks that will help you organize, declutter, downsize and upcycle your space. So if you'd like to join us on that workshop, it's completely free. You can find it on our website.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:19:48]:
I put it in our show notes. It's organizeincherish.com workshop and that'll give you all the details. It's free. We do have these ongoing free sessions of workshops where I talk to you about some immediate things that you can be doing to move your projects forward, especially when it comes to, you know, being on a time crunch or having so much stuff that it's overwhelming. Those are our workshops are perfect for that because it gives you very quick and fast tips. So hope to see you there. See you next week. Thank you for listening to the organized and productive podcast with the organized Flamingo.
Stephanie Y. Deininger [00:20:27]:
If you enjoyed today's episode, I would love it. If you leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player, it helps with letting people know that we're here. For full show notes and resources, head on over to the organizedflamingo.com podcast Happy organizing.
