If you've inherited a home full of someone else's items (like a parent's, a grandparent's, a friend's), then you've probably shoved it somewhere for the time being and started searching “how to organize old photos,” and you probably got back all kinds of results and methods like:
- “Organize by category.”
- “Use the four-box method.”
- “Touch it once. Ask if it sparks joy.”
- and the list goes on!
Then perhaps you tried one of those systems, and it worked for a while.
Hooray!
But then…the method stopped working.
Boo!
Or maybe you never even started, because every system you read about felt like it was built for someone else's stuff and not yours.
So then, you got stuck in the organizing topic rabbit hole and haven't come out, but you have to make some decisions soon and aren't sure where to go from here.
If this is you, then hear me out (as your pro organizer friend).
First, what twenty years of doing this work has taught me that there is no cheat sheet for sentimental decluttering. The popular systems you looked up are a useful guide, yes, but still, most systems were never built for the specific weight of your mother's handwriting on a recipe card, or your best friend's coat still holding their smell.
Those are personal griefs and journeys that no one can navigate for you.
So now what? Are you a lost cause?
NOOOOOOO. Not even close!
Second, you are not alone in this feeling and frustration.
Countless people have tried all kinds of methods. What I have seen is:
Best-case scenario: The systems might encourage you when you are stuck. You still have to take action yourself, though. As in, get up and do something about it.
Most likely what happens: you tried some of the tips and tricks, but they didn't help at all.
In either scenario, it's going to be a daunting task.
So here is where I offer my thoughts as your pro organizing friend: I would encourage you to practice yes-no-maybe-donate-sell-throw away decision-making at least once a day.
Even if it takes a really long time to go through everything, you'll be learning your own process, in real time, and yes, maybe while grieving.
Is that okay? Well, that's not something I can answer for you – only you can.
You will have to decide how much time you have to go through everything (are you trying to end the storage room lease by a certain date, do you have to move soon, or is this a timeline you put on yourself?).
But what I do know is that when you try it yourself, you learn something that sticks far better than if you'd hired someone to do it for you just to avoid the conflict. And I'll be honest, every time you try a different way and it doesn't work, it will hurt. Not just logistically, but emotionally, and maybe even financially. You'll feel like you failed at something that was never actually a test.
But…you will have tried and found out for yourself what definitely won't work.
And sometimes the discovery will be that what's slowing you down isn't even the lack of a system at all; it’s the wrong type of help. A well-meaning sibling who wants it all gone. A friend who tells you to keep everything because it's sentimental. A “village” that loves you but doesn't actually match how you process loss.Â
But repeat after me… You will have tried and found out for yourself what definitely won't work.
So to end our chat here: practice decision-making. This is what gentle, forward motion can look like. I'd rather you try a few methods than have the “right” system right away, because you might never find one. Every item or category may need a different approach, and the only way to know is to try it yourself.Â
If you need help getting started, we have a decision-making sheet HERE. Download it and use it at least once a day for a while, at least until you feel like you can do it on your own.
Happy Organizing!
Kindly, Stephanie Y. Deininger, CPO®, MBA
The Organized Flamingo
If you're new here, welcome! I'm Stephanie, a Certified Professional Organizer®, and a passionate supporter of creatives and sentimentalists who want to move ahead with as much joy and kindness as possible. Follow along for more: organizing with purpose, keeping with intention, storytelling through daily life, exploring the outdoors and everyday adventures.