63: Letting Go of Mental & Physical Clutter with Colleen Blake-Miller
Letting go is easier said than done. So this week, we chatted with guest, Colleen Blake-Miller, about the importance of letting go of old beliefs and physical stuff.
In this episode we talk about:
- Tips on how to let go & identify when it's a problem.
- Common challenges individuals face when attempting to let go, and how can they overcome these obstacles
- Exploring how letting go of physical items is different from letting go of emotional clutter
Where to find Colleen:
Colleen, a Registered Psychotherapist and dynamic speaker, brings over 16 years of experience to her mission of helping individuals conquer anxiety, depression, and self-worth issues. She is the founder of My Wellness Village, a virtual community that empowers women of faith in their mental health, physical fitness, and personal growth journeys.
As a passionate advocate for holistic well-being, she inspires women on their path to personal transformation. Beyond this, Colleen thrives in panel discussions, where she provides diverse perspectives alongside colleagues and friends in the mental health field. Based in Atlanta, GA, Colleen travels internationally to share her wisdom, foster healing, and make a positive impact.
You can find more of her here:
Website: https://colleenblakemiller.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colleenblakemiller/
—
The Organized & Productive podcast is brought to you by The Organized Flamingo and hosted by Stephanie Y. Deininger. For those of you who love the thought of organizing & being more productive, but don’t know where to start or constantly up against hurdles that don’t let you advance the way you want to, this podcast is for you!
Review full show notes and resources at
https://theorganizedflamingo.com/podcast
Join our weekly email newsletter for all-things organizing & productivity delivered right to your inbox
Review the Transcript:
Stephanie
Hey community and listeners. Welcome to our next episode here at organized and productive. I'm Stephanie, your host, and this week, we've got a very special guest, we've got Colleen Blake Miller, she is a psychotherapist and speaker, she is going to walk us through and talk to us about the power of letting go. We do address letting go, in general. And we do talk about specifically letting go of physical things. So you will get to hear both perspectives and how they're related. So we will talk about organizing stuff in the podcast in the episode. But we also talk about just in general, letting go and that whole concept. So she has spent over a decade guiding individuals towards health, wellness and personal growth. She specializes in the area like identity, self worth, depression and trauma, helping both women and men in her community, overcome emotional hurdles and achieve their highest success. So with her background and experience, we thought she was the perfect person to walk us through that power of letting go and what do you do about it? How can you go through the process when you are ready, or if you are identifying that you're needing to let go, but you don't know how. So she's just so perfect as a psychotherapist and speaker. She, she understands where what people are going through. So I thought she was the perfect person to talk about that with us. So I met her a couple of years ago through some mutual friends. And I'm a big fan of her work. She actually guided me through some stuff that I needed to let go for my business a couple of years ago, and she was phenomenal. So I thought you know what she is going to be perfect for our community. I think you're all going to really appreciate her love her content. And without further ado, you know how it works, we get straight into the conversation with our guest, so we don't waste your time. And you get to some actionable steps and inspiration. So here we go with Colleen Blake Miller. Welcome to the organized and productive podcast with organized Flamingo. I am your host, Stephanie, a professional organizer and productivity expert, ready to explore the right organizing and productivity solutions for you. Yeah, well, then let's go. Hi, Colleen. And thank you so much for joining the episode this week. I'm so happy you're here. been a huge fan of yours since the day I met. And I'm just so excited that you're here. So as our audience knows, we get straight to the nitty gritty. The title of today's conversation is the power of letting go. And more specific to our physical items is as we we've discussed before. So let's get right into it, shall we? Yeah.
Colleen Blake-Miller
Thanks for having me, Stephanie. Hey, awesome.
Stephanie
Okay, so let's, let's start off with the framework, or at least a reference point. So people know what we're talking about. What is the concept of letting go entail? And how does it relate to mental health and well being? Yeah.
Colleen Blake-Miller
So this is such a great question. If you the listener, or anything like me, I see the beautiful before and after pictures are the videos, I think, man, like, that's what I need, I need to just get like a remake or a redo of my space. And maybe we don't talk enough about the challenge of that process of actually releasing items, because every item that we have, holds some kind of significance, and some things hold more significance than others. And so this idea of letting go is letting go of the emotional attachment that we sometimes have to particular objects, so that we can create spaces that are serving us, you know, when you talk about mental health and wellness, I believe that our physical space 100% is going to impact on our stress level, our our mental, you know, space, if it's cluttered and disorganized, then it's going to it's going to affect how we feel internally, it's going to affect our inner dialogue, you know, we're going to be having conversations with ourselves, like, why can I sort this out what's taking me so long, like I'm so sick and tired, you know. And so it's really important in the process of working through organizing our spaces. We got to go through this process of letting go of things and also a part of that is releasing are like kind of severing some of the emotional attachments at least, you know, we've connected to some of these inanimate objects that we have in our spaces,
Stephanie
so to speak, you know, Have that between me your studies and your own personal experiences with clients? And what in your work? Why do you think that is? Is it because we're such a visual? A society like, and we just embrace it? Like, why do we feel so overwhelmed when our space is overwhelmed as well? Like, why can't we just separate the two?
Colleen Blake-Miller
Well, I think because we're holistic beings, you know, what I'm seeing, I have a script or a narrative playing in my mind about it, you know, you're sitting in, you're sitting at your desk at work, you're not just thinking about work, you're thinking about all the other responsibilities. You're having all these different dialogues, you see something, and then you you have a conversation in your, in your thoughts about that thing. And so if I come into a space, and I am not, I don't identify with a cluttered space, like if I don't really see myself as someone who is, uh, you know, disorganized, or messy, or has stuff everywhere, if I don't identify as that person, like, if I see these beautifully curated spaces, and that's what I identify as, like, no, that's who I am. That's, that's the real me. Then when I see the clutter, and when I see the disorganization, I'm having like an internal kind of battle within myself. Why is this? Why am I allowing this, like, who's responsible for this, these are really real conversations and experiences that we're having. And a part of the stress, I think it overwhelm is not acknowledging that enough, and entering into that dialogue, like interrupting some of that automatic dialogue that's happening, and just being with ourselves and figuring out okay, like, what are we going to do here? That's
Stephanie
so good. Yeah, it's like that, do you? You're not matching what you're seeing with what the reality is? Yeah. So let's talk about letting go of physical items versus emotional items or like clutter, I should say, physical clutter versus emotional clutter? Is that the same? Is it differentiated people, the listener, treated as two different types of clutter? I know, you mentioned there, they get, they get connected at some point. But what are your thoughts?
Colleen Blake-Miller
Well, you know, letting go of physical items, involves decluttering. And simplifying our environment. And I think in some ways, it's seems like it should be easier for some people, maybe if you're, if you have people in your space, that can help you along the way, like, I'm that daughter, that if my mom goes away for the weekend, and just let me at that pantry, and I'm getting rid of that stuff, you know, you may have a hard time with this stuff, but I don't. So I'm getting rid of it. So it's a matter of just physically decluttering a space, it could be easy, or it could be hard, letting go the motional clutter that I think is a lot trickier, right? We're talking about negative emotions, we're talking about beliefs, we're talking about past experiences, traumas, things that really weigh you down. And the other thing is, some of these things have very deep roots, right? Some of these things, some of the emotional kind of clutter that we are carrying, has come from our very birth, like it's passed down from one generation to another. And so it really is not as simple as inviting, you know, a team, like, like, like yourself in to just fix up the space. And okay, now that it's now that it's that it's organized, I just have to follow the system, it's a lot trickier than that it's more complex. So we got to offer ourselves grace, I think when we are sorting through, and really addressing emotional clutter that we are contending with. Does that make sense? It does. Absolutely.
Stephanie
And which if I don't know if this is too general of a question to be asking, but where people start with the emotional hardship or the physical, if they're if they understand like, they've come to the acceptance that there's something's happening here and they need to, you know, declutter, figuratively and literally, where, like, where do you suggest people start both at the same time one or the other, like, from your experience? What has worked fairly well? Yeah. Well,
Colleen Blake-Miller
if we were to wait to clear through and organize all of the emotional clutter Stephanie we He would be hard at work, you know, with the inner stuff. But our spaces would just be just sitting and waiting. Because to me, our life is a journey of sorting through. And sometimes the more that you do the work is the more that you discover. So I would say in conjunction with, I think you can do them both. I think sometimes what you really do need is to trust an expert like yourself, you know, to say, Come and help me do the work, coach me through doing this work. And then you could talk to, you know, your coach, your therapist, your mentor, your people about how hard some of that stuff was, or a particular aspect, because I believe we'll always have work to do, even when our spaces are perfectly curated. And you know, like looking like magazines, we're always gonna have work to do. Oh, I
Stephanie
love what you said. It's like life is a basically it's a, it's a journey to process. So if you wait, it's, yeah,
Colleen Blake-Miller
don't wait, don't wait, do what you can do today. And I feel like sometimes when will for me when my spaces are organized, I feel lighter, I feel more empowered to do the difficult work. I remember when my son, my son is actually celebrating his 60th birthday today. My eldest, and I remember when he was just an infant, that was the one room in my house that was organized and perfectly like curated, and I worked so hard on on that nursery, I remember being in labor, and I was like, pleated and finish painting, the, you know, the, whatever, whatever area it was, or the running was something in the ceiling, and on the ladder, in labor, trying to finish it, my husband's like, Please, stop down, we gotta go to the hospital anyways, I would sit in the room. And I would just be filled with a sense of peace. And I would say to myself, Okay, I would love for every place in my house to be like this. But at least for now, this is the space that I can come to and find that sense of peace. I remember days, you know, sitting in that rocking chair and crying about other matters, you know, but it was like a safe space. So I feel like yeah, don't wait, find a way to just start doing a little bit of the work. Because it's never an end. Yeah.
Stephanie
And a place you can control that doesn't have feelings, right? A space is so it's there. It's a space. It's a physical item versus you and your brain in your heart. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, so let's talk about fear. Speaking of emotions, and I think it's, this is kind of that natural. Okay, right, fine. I'll also get started. But now the fear starts to set in, have regret of, you know, if I let this go, like it just had this guilt, this fear of what will happen if I make this really drastic change in my life, which is decluttering, and letting go the you know, having that power to let go? How could that manifests itself in someone's behavior? Patterns? Like, how can that be coming out something that maybe they should be watching out for it?
Colleen Blake-Miller
I love that question. It's so empowering because it's giving the listener some like, yellow and red flags to look out for. So one, let's normalize the fear. Let's not feel bad, let's not, you know, internalize any kind of judgment. Other people may judge you look at let that be their business. Don't collude with them and start to judge yourself. Everybody feels different emotions. Fear is a natural emotion that we're going to we're going to feel because it's hard. Sometimes letting go of things is really hard. Practically speaking, letting go, the fear of letting go, excuse me may manifest as resistance to change. You know, like, you know, second guessing the decision to make a change or coming up with excuses for why I can't do it today, even though you blocked the day off of your calendar at work to do it. And I know, you said you're doing it, we're doing it today. Okay. It might manifest as clinging to familiar things, you know, even though you've not looked at it or touched it in years. It's like it belonged to my great grandmother and it belonged to so and so. And it's clinging to the familiar. It's this idea of perfectionism. Like if I can't get this perfectly situated, if I don't have enough time, if I don't have all of the In the system's all the bins all of this you know all those sorting solutions like the organizational stuff, I can't do it. Sometimes that perfectionist kind of desire for it to look perfect. That sometimes is your fear manifesting itself. Sometimes it's the avoiding uncomfortable emotions, it can definitely lead to feelings of anxiousness, you know, feelings of insecurity, feelings of stagnation, you want to be paying attention to when these types of things are coming out? Because at the end of the day, it is this idea of, well, what will it mean? Or what will happen if I actually release and let this thing go? Or these things go? Yeah.
Stephanie
So I'm looking for that. I mean, to face all that, yeah, it can be scary. Okay, so let's kind of like, come back and give people some help. Because there's a lot and some solutions for all of our listeners to take away. Let's discuss some of the potential benefits, of course, like what like, what are the pluses of letting go you talked about at the beginning, but what what changes have you seen and people that you work with, when they truly like go not just superficially, but when they do let go? Like, what are some of those positive feelings that you have seen come up? And on that same topic, are there any mindful exercises our listeners can be working towards? To facilitate the process? Yeah,
Colleen Blake-Miller
so to me, the word that comes to mind very quickly is this idea of lightness, feeling lighter, you know, when we're over, kind of, whelmed with all of the stuff, that's the physical stuff, as well as the emotional stuff, it's so heavy, it's exhausting, you know, to be carrying all of that. And when we are able, are courageous enough to do the work, lean into the discomfort and let things go, then we experience a lightness, we will experience a clarity, in terms of what actually matters the most, I think about I had an event last year in November, and one of the women who attended tragically, her home caught on fire. And I think about oh my god, like the loss of just everything. You know, she escaped with her life, she escaped with her child. The thought of losing all of our stuff, I think would devastate all of us. However, if you had certain things, you know, like your life, your health, your loved ones, you would be thankful for those things, I think letting go helps you like doing the work of letting go helps you to figure out what matters the most at the end of the day. You know, we live in a world that's very materialistic, you know, that's why we have to limit what we let in, you know, I actually am someone who stopped watching HGTV many years ago, because what I found was, although I was inspired, I became discontent with my space. Every time I watched a different program, it was like, oh, I should do this instead. Or I should do that. Or I should, you know, start saving for this or that. It's like, wait a second, I want to be at peace, feel settled, and be satisfied with what life looks like now. And these are some of the benefits of of learning to let go doing the work. There's no quick fix, there's no pill to take, there's no letting go pill. It's it's a it's it's a journey. You sometimes take baby steps along the way, but show up and lean in and do the work. And over time, you're going to notice a lightness, you're going to notice clarity, you're going to experience peace, you're going to you're going to experience contentment not to say things don't need to change in your life. But even you know, while you're waiting for certain things that need to change to change, you can still feel content, you know, and at peace. So those are some of the things I think that's
Stephanie
great. What are some exercises that you would suggest or if you have some great, you know, prompts and things out on your, you know, like on your Instagram and some of your sites. But what are some of those things that that you've seen work for people or you would suggest as an exercise? Yeah.
Colleen Blake-Miller
So you talked about mindfulness. And so this mindfulness, in really simple terms is just this idea of being present. Being present, being in this moment. You know, even a In a cluttered space, or what seems like a chaotic space, you can really experience the benefits of mindfulness. It's this idea of being present, being in the moment being in the here and now pulling yourself away from that mental clutter inside as well as that external, you know, the noise from the outside. And just noticing like, okay, like a breath, even, how amazing is it to be able to inhale and exhale, noticing that, all right, it feels like everything is crumbling down. But everything is actually not crumbling down in this moment. In this moment, I'm actually okay. In this moment, things are actually okay. And, and it's it's exercises and practices that will help you to really remain in that present moment, you could do that through deep breathing, you could do that through guided meditation. You can do that. I mean, you could mindfully walk in nature, you could mindfully Enjoy your meal. And every time you notice yourself, your mind kind of leaving that moment and going off to concern itself about all the other things, you just come back, bring yourself back to the present, say no, no. Right now I'm enjoying my coffee. Okay, right now I'm enjoying this afternoon breeze. And just kind of say in that moment. So mindfulness is I mean, that's a whole other like podcast episode, you can go so deep with that. Other ideas are things like journaling, actually getting some of those thoughts out of your head, and putting them on paper. That can be a wonderful sense of release and relief, as you as you do that, you know, so you could do some mindfulness exercises, you could do some some journaling. I mean, you could talk to someone, you could talk to a professional, if you find that you really do need that support. I'm obviously I'm an advocate for therapy, I think it's really helpful and beneficial, and even the people in your life, finding the people who really genuinely care for you. And meanwhile for you, and giving them permission to speak words of life and encouragement and to you, those are some of the things that can I think, really help you practically, as you are leaning into the difficult work of of letting go.
Stephanie
And if you didn't grow up without that permission, or practicing this skill, I can see how what you said is something like working with someone or allowing yourself to practice that, like somebody allowed me know that receiving it and then practicing it. So I can see how the more you do it like skill, especially if you didn't grow up with it, how can be helpful? Yeah, well, you know, I take a deep breath, because speaking of deep breaths, because you mentioned such, they're not easy, but they're things that you should know about your mental health and being able to do these exercises that are simple, but yet we don't do them. So I think you're just such a great reminder, that doesn't have to be overly complicated. Like it doesn't have to feel like you said that you're going to go take.
Colleen Blake-Miller
Yeah, there's simple You said it, you hit the nail right on the head, Stephanie, they are simple things. But they are not easy things, especially in the context where we find ourselves, right? We are in a world that we get messaging every day we wake up, unless you are like off the grid. Okay, so if you're off the grid, and you're like out, you know, and like the elements, you know what I'm saying? Like, then you probably are listening to this podcast. And the first one is but, you know, every day for many of us, we are bombarded with messaging, visually, audibly. You know, the people in our lives, they've got demands, they've got expectations, we have put all these demands and expectations on ourselves. You know, we look at the calendar, we look at the time we're like, oh, my gosh, I'm running out of time. So so we really do have to slow ourselves down. It is simple things that are going to help to allow us to have optimal mental health, but they're hard to do, partly because of the bad habits that we have, you know, picked up along the way. And we're trying to do them within us. system that I feel works against us so much of the time. Yeah, I'm saying.
Stephanie
Yeah, yeah. Thanks for grounding us. Okay, so now as we unwind from the episode, because I could be going on forever, I'm looking at you like, Oh, my God, we're not done. But I know our audience. And they're already putting all this stuff into practice. And they want to just pause this and go do their things. So we are going to do that. So a couple things. First, we have our three questions we ask of all our guests. The first one being, what is something that you would want people to take away from this conversation?
Colleen Blake-Miller
I would want you to take away from the conversation, just one encouraging nudge, to fight for your peace. Okay, in the midst of whatever life looks like, right, whether you're on track with your organizational plan, or you've like forgotten all about the what you said you were gonna do. And you're like, in the like, right in the middle of what feels like chaos. That piece is available to you. And this is an encouragement to say, you know, fight for it today. What is going to bring me peace in this moment. That's my encouragement. Fight for that.
Stephanie
Fight for your peace. I love that. All right. The second is we always ask our guests what their favorite magazine is, or blog to read. Either business or pleasure in why we'd love to be like that. Oh, it gets to learn a little more about Yeah,
Colleen Blake-Miller
she's my fellow torn, I think for entertainment. While there's an entertainment, entertainment slash inspiration. I do like, oh, geez, now I'm trying to blank. Oh, Better Homes and garden. I like better homes and garden, because the digital magazine because it has like, just about everything, like, covers mental wellness, it covers practical things, that as a mother of young kids, I can, you know, try different recipes. I, I in my mind, I am a DIY er, there were there was a season of my life when I had more capacity for that. But in my mind, I'm totally the do it yourself, girl. So I love watching and seeing those those things. So there's that. And then for just sharpening myself, and helping and supporting my community. I do like psychology today as well. Lots of practical articles that can help to promote mental health and wellness. So those would be two.
Stephanie
All right. So it's before we end the conversation, though, let's hear where people can find you. Loved this conversations for listener love the conversation, where can they find more information on what you do? Where do you hang out on social webs out there.
Colleen Blake-Miller
I'm an Instagram girl. I'm totally an Instagram girl, I I invest a lot of my mental capacity, and then my practical like resources and stuff like that on creating content that I think is going to help to edify my audience and really build them up. There is more fate woven in these days. That's just the season. That's where I'm at being really authentic to who I am and what inspires me and what moves me and keeps me going. Yeah, so like there's I my assistant and I were just talking about my Lincoln bio. It's just kind of like, so full Ral I'm like, How can we compact this, like, it's just got so much going on in there. But tons of resources can be found in my Lincoln bio, to my website, my podcast articles that I've written. And or been, you know, like an expert or quoted in and that kind of thing and other fun things that I have going on. You could find it all via and stuff.
Stephanie
Awesome. Wonderful. Well, I'm a huge fan. And I hope everyone gets to check out all of your content out there. Thank you again for joining me and us today. Thank you for your time and to the listener. Thanks for being here at the organizing. Thank you for listening to the organized and productive podcast with the organized Flamingo. If you enjoyed today's episode, I would love it if you'd leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It helps with letting people know that we're here. For full show notes and resources head on over to the organized flamingo.com/podcast Have you organizing.